Farewell Lenny

Lenny and Stephen circa 2000

About two weeks ago, my son and I had the painful task of having to put our beloved beagle, Lenny, to sleep.  Lenny gave us fifteen amazingly great years of unconditional doggy love.  He was fiercely loyal coupled with a tender, sweet spirit.   Those of you who are dog owners know all too well that the loss of dog is alike to losing a family member.   The loss leaves a chasm in your heart that will ache in a way you could never have imagined.

I have so many special memories of Lenny but one stands out above the rest.  It was a few months after my divorce.  I had awakened in the middle of the night, with my heart deeply broken and was sobbing.  Lenny, sensing my hurt, jumped up on my bed, put his head on my chest, nuzzled his nose up near my face and gently licked my tears.  He then looked at me with those soulful, big brown eyes of his as if to say, “I’m sorry you’re in pain but know that I love you very, very much”.  From that moment on we had this unbreakable bond.

When you own a pet, a dog in particular, you look with different eyes and a different heart to see and feel the love they give you each and every day.  It’s in all the small moments.  Moments that can be easily missed if you’re not fully open and aware to their presence.  It’s the wagging of the tail when you speak with them.  It’s the bursting with joy and happy yelps each and every time you come home, even if you were gone for only ten minutes.  It’s the gentle nuzzle they give while curled up on the couch with you.  It’s looking down on the floor and seeing them right beside you, always.  It’s the absolute excitement they have when they hear you get their leash to take them for a walk.  It’s the fierce bark they emit when they sense danger and ready to protect you, even if it costs them their lives.  It’s the thousands of kisses and unending affection they exude letting you know how insanely they love you. 

Lenny, despite his sweet nature, also had a mischievous side.  He had a penchant for getting into the trash.  One funny situation was when he got his nose stuck in an empty peanut butter jar and was sitting in the middle of the living room, trash all around him and the jar stuck on his nose.  We called it “Exhibit A, Case Closed”.  He also seemed to have a fetish for stealing my panties out of the laundry and hiding them under the bed.  I don’t know if he was a perv disguised as a dog or owned a lingerie shop in a former life, but it always perplexed me that he seemed to enjoy my “delicates” so much.  Lenny was also a bit of a Houdini, in that he would dig a hole under our fence and escape from the yard, only to be returned like an fugitive by one of our neighbors.  Despite his silly antics, we loved him as unconditionally as he loved us.

When Lenny’s health declined these past few months, I knew all too well that my days with my beloved furry friend were waning down.  I had this constant lump in my throat knowing that soon I would have to say goodbye.  We were told we would have about a year, but sadly we had about one month.  Nothing prepares you for that moment when you have to let them go.  I held him in my arms until his final heartbeat.  He had been by my side through thick and thin and I was not going to leave his in his final moments.  I repeatedly told him how much I loved him and how sorry I was that he was so sick and had to leave us.  The second he was gone I wept uncontrollably.  This pain, from a place that hurts so deeply, rose up and overwhelmed me.  This furry ball of love that had provided me with so many years of joy and unconditional love was now gone.  The vet let me stay with him for a few minutes afterwards.  Through my tears, I gently kissed his head and whispered in his long soft ears one last I love you.

I walked in with a dog and left with an empty collar.  A symbolic reminder of all the amazingly wonderful moments we had.  A reminder of a dog whose only purpose was to bring happiness and love to his family.   A dog, who did all that and more.  A dog who left more than a paw print on my heart.   

They say all dogs go to heaven.  If this is so, then I truly hope Lenny is enjoying his favorite treats, tummy rubs and running around the celestial city with all of his canine buddies.  And, should heaven have peanut butter then I can only hope they have the trash barrels locked up. 

Farewell my wonderfully sweet, wet nosed, milk bone loving, furry little friend!

Having an Attitude of Gratitude

As my Jewish girlfriends often say, "Oy Vey".  This past week has been exceptionally difficult on several fronts.  Life sucker punched me a few times, and hard.  On the professional side, I’m overwhelmed by a recent series of events and, to exacerbate the situation, I received news that I’m losing one of my strongest team members.  On the personal side, I’ve had one disappointment after another in addition to receiving difficult news on a medical front that has rendered me with some tough decisions to make.  I’m a fighter and will certainly soldier through, but when life hits you with a myriad of challenging issues; it leaves you spiraling a bit. 

It would be so easy to sit back and feel sorry for myself.  To hole myself up in my bed all weekend and play the “woe is me” card.  Anyone who knows me, knows all too well, self-pity is not in my DNA.   Truth be told, the martyr and victim mentality is a pet peeve of mine. 

What I’m choosing to do is have an attitude of gratitude for all the pleasant moments life brought this week. 

• Gratitude for a lovely home cooked dinner and the warm fellowship shared with my friends as we watched the Golden Globes. 
• Gratitude for hitting a 17 pound weight loss since November 1^st.
• Gratitude for the special bonding time with my son as we brainstormed over a new script for his next movie.
• Gratitude for the success one of my brothers is experiencing in his new job
• Gratitude for wonderful people in my life who have reached out this week to offer support
• Gratitude for the gorgeous drive I have to work every morning that helps reset my soul and remind me of all the amazingly wonderful blessings in my life
• Gratitude for the unexpected, kind words of a friend that put a smile on my face, even if just for an hour
• Gratitude for the lessons I’m learning through the difficult situations I’m facing
• Gratitude for good wine at the end of the day to help erase all the yucky parts of the day J

Through exuding gratitude I’m choosing the direction of my focus.  Each morning I sit on the edge of my bed and whisper the following mantra: “I’m making a choice to live an extraordinary and happy life today”.   By doing so, it sets the course of my day.  We all possess an amazing power, the power of choice.  By choosing to push through and have an attitude of gratitude, I’m choosing a healthier and happier outcome.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not running from my problems. I’m simply making a choice to not let them have dominion over me.     

As this next week approaches, I eagerly look forward to gaining victory over the shortcomings and difficulties experienced these past several days.  I’ve left enough tread marks on this earth to know that the solutions will present themselves and I will press on.  I’m also looking forward to the many new blessings yet to be bestowed and potential hidden gems that will lift my spirit even higher.  I bid adieu to last week and all the turmoil it brought and welcome with open arms the week ahead and all of its renewed possibilities!

Tearing Down the Walls

As I sit at the precipice of a new year, I can’t help but reflect on years past as well as look with great excitement to what lies ahead.  With each passing year, I find myself coming more and more into my own as I evolve toward the woman I’m destined to be.  As I embark upon 2015, I do so with an abundance of gratitude for what I consider to be a very happy life.  I have a son who makes my heart smile every day and never ceases to amaze me with his loving, gentle spirit, great sense of humor and immense talent.  I have a job that I deeply enjoy and get tremendous satisfaction from.  I have a beautiful home, wonderful possessions and money in the bank.  I have some of the most wonderful friends and family a girl could ask for and, with the exception of needing to lose a few pounds, (who of us doesn't), I am in great health. 

With all of this said the one area of my life that I would like to see blossom is my love life.  This is not to say I've not had opportunity.  I've had countless opportunities to fall in love and even start a new life with someone.  What I've learned of late is that I've subconsciously resisted letting someone in, truly in, bringing them into the inner sanctum of my heart; standing in front of them emotionally naked and surrendering, wholly.  Instead, I've consistently erected the preverbal walls of defense in an effort to protect my heart and barricade me from the painful travails of it being shattered to pieces.  It wasn't until late that I came into this awareness, and perhaps I've become aware, because the emotionally complex and broken pieces of my heart have long since healed and it’s well beyond time to move forward.

This became ever so evident about six months ago.  I was shopping at my local Trader Joe’s where I noticed a lovely elderly couple.  They had to be in their eighties.  He was dressed impeccably well.  The personification of Dapper!  Tailored pants with a sharp cuff, a crisp white shirt, vest, sport coat and felt tipped hat.  She was in perfectly pressed slacks, a floral blouse and cardigan draped in pearls and well-coiffed white hair.  She was also in a wheelchair.  What struck me were the tender exchanges between both.  He would pick up an item and show it to his beloved asking her if it was the product she wanted.  She would gently put her frail hand on his and reply yes or no and, or point to what she needed.  With each interaction, he acted as if it was his utmost pleasure to be there with and for her and she looked at him as if he’d hung the moon.  I was so deeply moved watching them.

I had paid for my groceries and was readying to drive out of the parking lot when I noticed the elderly couple again.  He was now gently taking her out of her wheelchair and placing her into the car.  I watched with utmost respect and envy at his love for her.  Once she was safely in the car, he put her seat belt on and then lovingly placed one gentle kiss on her forehead.  It was at this point that I welled up with tears and went careening off of the emotional cliff.  This beautiful, delicate dance between husband and wife moved me in such a powerful way.  I knew in that moment that I wanted to have that kind of love.  I also knew that I would not have that kind of love if I didn't take measures to tear down the walls I've had up far too long and let that love in.  I must have looked like a fool crying alone and uncontrollably in my car, yet, it was a moment that was meant to be and one I needed to walk through.  My emotional response was powerful and deeply cathartic.  I truly believe I was destined to be at Trader Joe’s to witness this amazingly beautiful exchange as life’s way of saying “it’s time”. 

The heart is one of the strongest muscles in the body, yet so fragile when it comes to love.  Once it’s broken, it shatters into a million pieces and needs to take the necessary time to heal properly.  Trust, self-worth, confidence and a desire to love and be loved again all need to be re-instilled.   We all deserve to love and be loved and should not let the hurts of the past rob us future joy.

Since that day at Trader Joe’s, I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone.  It is only through removing the bricks from the fortress I've been hiding behind will I see and experience the love that awaits me.  I've taken down the velvet ropes that encompassed my heart, put myself out there and, at times, have even taken the reigns.  It’s scary and exhilarating all the same.  Some moments have been met with acceptance, some not.  I've been empowered when they've been accepted and have learned not to become crestfallen when they are not.  Both experiences are part of the journey toward finding love again and will make it that much sweeter when I do. 

Will I find love in 2015?  God, I hope so!  The “who” is unknown and, in some ways, makes the odyssey that much more exciting.  I know I run the risk of potentially getting hurt again; however, I've made peace with the thought.  In essence, it will mean I had the opportunity to love and be loved again.  None of us have a crystal ball we can peer into to know if a relationship will work or not.  I certainly did not know that on June 2, 1991 as I pledged my undying love to the then, love of my life, that years later I would awaken at 3:22 a.m. a divorced, heartbroken, single mother with the financial worries of the world on my shoulders, scared out of mind about how I was going to pull through and with the other side of the bed empty.  I don’t regret falling in love and getting married and I don’t regret dissolving my marriage either.  Again, it’s all part of the journey, both the good and bad.  

As I lift my virtual glass to the year ahead and herald all that lies before me, I embrace it with unfettered passion and excitement.  I feel the Goddess of Love, Aphrodite, softly whispering in my ear that this is my year.  Here’s to love and all the joy, euphoria, excitement and albeit pain it brings. Let's hope that this truly is my year to be enraptured by it's sweet intoxication again.  Maya Angelou put it best when she said “First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.” 

Broken Into But Not Stolen

Last Friday evening I returned home from a wonderful 4^th of July celebration with several close friends, only to find our home had been broken into.  Thankfully, nothing had been stolen, but our home had indeed been intruded upon.  I’m keenly in tune with the energy and rituals of our home and sensed immediately, upon entering, that something had upset its balance. There was an unsettling feeling that prompted me to cautiously walk through my home.  Additionally, I have two fiercely protective dogs that appeared highly agitated upon my arrival.  They had come to greet me from the back of the house versus their usual spots on the couches in the front room.  As I approached my kitchen I straightaway realized what my heightened sense of concern was about.

I have a large decorative cabinet that resides underneath my kitchen window.  The contents atop the cabinet had been removed and placed on the floor.  The kitchen window was opened, which was disturbing because I had closed all the windows earlier in the day to run the air conditioning.  There were also muddy footprints on the cabinet.  Noticing all of the above took mere seconds and immediately, panic and fear shot through me.  I yelled to my dogs “let’s go” and ran out of the house into my car and promptly called 911.  I also called my son who was staying at our friends Terry and Susie’s that night.  Terry had kindly come with some friends and my son in tow to stay with me until the police arrived. 

It’s a surreal moment to be standing in front of your home but afraid to enter it.  Once the police arrived, they moved on my home in full gear with guns drawn, in the event the intruder was still there.  I became slightly emotional watching the events unfold.  Observing officers in my home with their guns drawn, announcing their presence to a potentially dangerous person is a scene I never anticipated witnessing.  The police carefully scope out each room as well as the yard.  After about 10 minutes they gave us the all clear to come inside.  They had shown us how the intruder tried to enter through several other windows but was unsuccessful due to them being locked.  For some reason the window in the kitchen was not fully locked, thus granting him access to our home.  I was filled with a myriad of emotions, the dominant one being fear.  After about two hours with the police, the photographer and forensics, I returned to my friend Susie’s to try and get some sleep.  Susie is one of my dearest and closest friends.  My female soulmate.  Her family is like family to us and her home is like a second home for my son, so it was fitting that we took refuge there.  I was riddled with anxiety and slept maybe an hour or so. 

The next morning, which came early for me, my mind was racing.  I had envisioned every safety measure possible that I wanted to implement.  I knew I needed to re-activate the alarm system, be more diligent about ensuring our windows are locked and keep a light on in the back of the house where we’re out to make it look like someone is home.  I drew the line at installing a moat with alligators, having vicious wolverines troll the property and hiring an armed guard to be onsite during our absence.  I think the lack of sleep prompted the latter.  I met with my friend Brian for breakfast.  He too is a close friend and like a brother.  He had suggested I spend another night at my friend Susie’s.  I had strongly considered doing so; however, I felt that if I was going to take my home back and move past the fear, I needed to do so sooner than later.  That evening, my son and I, committed to gaining power over this situation, battened down the hatches, whispered up prayers of protection and spent the night in our own home. 

Since the intrusion, I have walked through my home with sage and claimed each room back.  My friend Susie is a reiki master and has signed on to reiki the house as well.  It’s our way of proclaiming to the universe that we can be shaken but not broken. 

I was sharing with my son that had the intruder come into our home as a guest, we would have welcomed him.  We would have offered him food and drink, conversed and exuded compassion. We would have hugged him when he left and perhaps made a new friend.  But, that’s not how he entered. He entered as an intruder intent on doing harm.  I still have compassion for him and have prayed each night for him since.  Something has gone terribly awry in this man’s life to prompt him to make such disastrous choices; choices that will undoubtedly lead him to a prison cell or worse.

 

Webster’s defines a robbery as the crime of stealing from a person or place. The thief who entered our home committed to stealing its contents failed miserably in doing so.  He also failed to steal our spirit, failed to steal our determination, failed to steal our courage and failed to steal our freedom to feel safe our home.

When I was a little girl, my mom shared with me that each night she prayed that God would put angels at the four posts of the house to protect us all as we slept.  I’ve prayed that prayer many times over the years, not only for myself, but for my family and friends.  I truly believe there were angels watching over us that evening.  Not many homes get broken into and nothing stolen.  It’s as if this force field of protection drove him away.  My iPad and iPhone were right on the dining room table, in clear sight and were not taken.  My son had commented that we had the best case scenario.  We were broken into, yet nothing was stolen and no one was hurt. 

Thank you, Mom, for the prayers you prayed when I was a child and for teaching me the prayers to pray over my home.  Thank you Susie and Terry for your unwavering support and always opening your home and hearts to us.  Thank you to my friend Brian for checking in every day since to ensure we are safe.  Last, but certainly not least, thank you, God, for keeping us safe and having your angels watch over us.

Celebrating 22 Years In The Industry!

Twenty two years ago today I embarked on what would be the foundation of a long and rewarding career path in the HR and Recruitment industry. Knowing only how to spell the word recruiting, I was hired as a Data Entry Associate for Arthur Andersen and Andersen Consulting’s recruiting team in their Hartford office. I was responsible for tracking all candidate activity in the applicant tracking system, aptly named CRIS. To this date, I’m a stickler for 100% data integrity with any ATS I’m operating. At the time, I was unaware that public accounting would become my playground and that recruiting would be my passion.

As I worked with some of the best and brightest partners, hiring managers and team members, I began to learn the fundamentals of recruiting. When I was given the opportunity to start conducting my own interviews and owning a few requisitions I felt such a sense of fulfillment in my career. I found that I had a natural connection with my candidates. I enjoyed hearing about their work experiences and objectives. I got a thrill every time I made an offer and candidates accepted. I learned quickly that working in recruiting not only meant hiring people, but also gently letting go of those not qualified for a role. As tough of a task as this is, in the end, it’s always what’s best for the firm and ultimately the candidate.

I’ve seen recruiters young and old alike get caught up with the latest systems, buzzwords, Boolean searches, networking events and jockeying for the most LinkedIn recommendations and connections. Who’s in the President’s Club for the most hires and who’s writing articles for LI and other recruitment blogs. These components are not what makes a good recruiter. Most of these are simply the tools in your toolbox. You can learn to use them effectively, but they still don’t make you a good recruiter.

As the years progress and my experience deepened, I learned the most fundamental aspect of recruiting was not hiring people, but building strong business relationships with both my internal and external clients. In doing so, the candidates came and the hires were made. By building strong relationships with my hiring partners I was able to learn more about professional services from a business perspective. I’ve spent hours with my partners learning how they managed their teams, how to discern financial reports, what keeps them up at night, how our business is run, what pursuits they’re chasing and how I can add value in helping them achieve their goals. Each time I deliver the talent they need, I further build my credibility; which was beyond valuable. I can sit in their respective offices and tell them I can hire the candidates they’re looking for, but until that “butt is in the seat” (as we say in the recruiting industry), my words and promises mean nothing. I’ve also learned when to step up and let my partners know when a requisition is too difficult to fill. It takes a high level of trust and vulnerability to have this dialogue with your partners. In doing so, I’ve been surprisingly encouraged. This has often given opportunity to further brain storming with them, reviewing our processes, etc. When we finally do fill those roles, it’s that much sweeter for the victory.

I’ve also been deeply blessed to have worked with some of the most talented recruitment and HR professionals. There’s a kinship you develop with your natural work teams when you’re in the trenches day in and day out. You have this innate desire to watch them succeed and you’ll protect them fiercely if someone tries to undermine their efforts. You’re all sharing the same mission and cause. Hire and retain a world class workforce. I owe a lot to my early mentors who saw something in me and graciously gave of their time in teaching me the ins and outs of HR and recruiting and tolerated my inexperience. Many of their philosophies are what I use in my practices today.

I’ve often heard my colleagues say “We’re not saving lives here”. We’re technically not, but I know that I’m changing them. I could share many heartfelt stories of candidates whose lives were changed when I called and presented them with an offer. I made an offer to one candidate recently and he exclaimed, “You have no idea how much I needed this job. I was about to completely give up”. When I put my head on my pillow that night I was moved to know someone else was going to bed with a peace of mind about their future and that I had an integral hand in helping him get there. That’s beyond rewarding.

I’m not going to lie; my career has also had its many disappointments. No matter how hard I’ve tried, there will always be those team members or hiring managers I’m just not going to win over. I could give a kidney to save their kids lives and they’d still throw me under the bus. Despite the lack of reciprocal respect, I’ve made a personal vow to always remain professional, deliver and take the high road. The occasional thought of dabbling in voodoo dolls or running them down in the parking garage has brought momentary satisfaction, but in the end, I’ve thankfully resisted the urge.

I’ve had the opportunity to hire a few thousand people over my career. To this day, I still stay in touch with my very first hire. He’s the CEO of a thriving tech company. When I walk through the offices of my current firm, I see name plate after name plate of the people I’ve hired. It’s humbling and yet, so fulfilling to know this is the legacy I’m leaving on the workforce.

With that said, as I sit here near the close of my 22nd year, I lift my virtual glass in thanks to the years behind me and to many more wonderful years to ahead, hiring the best and brightest talent and working with some of the greatest leaders in my industry!

The Cyclist

There are moments in life that abruptly, albeit, cruelly, stop us in our tracks and remind us once again how incredibly precious life is. Last night was one such moment for my son, Stephen, and me. We were on our way to dinner and a movie. While on route we witnessed a cyclist who had been hit by a car, thrown across the street into another car, only to land crumbled up on the sidewalk. My entire body froze as we saw this young cyclist lying lifeless, face down on the street, bloodied and mangled. A crowd of well meaning folks immediately ran to his rescue and called 911. I parked my car ahead, grabbed my sons arm and began to weep for the young man. I started whispering, in an almost mantra fashion, “Please God, let him live. Please let him pull through this. God, please let him be alright.” The police and rescue vehicles descended on the scene and we were motioned to vacate the area.

Where do you go when you’ve just witnessed such a horrific event? I was nauseated and shaken inside. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t get the picture of him lying so deeply wounded on the side of the street out of my head. Would he make it? Did he make it? How bad were his injuries? I checked the internet repeatedly for any updates on his status, but nothing was posted. Then, when I awoke this morning I read an article that said “Pasadena Cyclist Struck and Killed”. I wept silently for him. A man I did not know, but who had impacted my life dramatically in the past 24 hours?

Who was this man? The paper said he was in his 30’s and was out cycling with another friend. Did he have a girlfriend or wife? Was he a father with a young family who’ve now been left fatherless? Did he have a dad who awoke to Father’s Day with the pain of having lost his son? Did he have a mother whose heart is now shattered to pieces at the loss of her child? Who were his friends and what pain they must be feeling at this unexpected, tragic loss? Who was he? He awoke yesterday morning and set out on his day, not knowing it would be his final.

Unless one is completely void of feeling and perspective, it would behoove you, after witnessing such an event to not take a moment and be ever so thankful for the very breath you’re breathing. It’s in moments like this that we are once again reminded of how incredibly precious life is. Tomorrow is never promised to us.  The end of today is not promised either. The petty issues that seemed so grand yesterday become no longer relevant now. I found myself going through my day with a profound sense of thankfulness. I desired a sense of peace in my current relationships, no matter how fractured they were. I wanted to hug my family members a little tighter and longer today. I prayed for God’s continued love and absolute protection over my son and that he grants him a wonderfully long life.

I do not know the name of this gentleman whose life I saw ebb from him last night. Until then, our paths never crossed, yet crossed they did. Sometimes in death, a person can have a deeper impact on their fellowman. Clearly is such the case. As haunted and grieved as I feel by witnessing his death, I feel a sense of tribute to him as well. I know I’ll never drive down Del Mar Boulevard again without being reminded of how fleeting life is and to make every day, every moment count. We get so caught up on the day to day rut and responsibilities of our lives that we sometimes fail to realize that each day is a gift. I know I’ll awaken tomorrow and not want to take anything for granted. I’ll be more aware of my actions and how they may affect others. I’ll have a heart of deeper gratitude. I’ll start acting on the dreams and goals I’ve kept on the shelf far too long. I’ll have a renewed desire to live every day; I’m privileged to have as if it were the last.

My heart and prayers go out to this young man and his family. A man and family I’ve never met and most likely never will. I thank him for the invaluable life lesson he brought to me in the time of his passing. May God’s peace and love comfort his family and friends and may they too, like me, be moved to live a better life.

Deleting Your Junk Male

Yes, I’ve spelled male correctly!

These last few months, I’ve been evolving to this wonderful place in my life where I’m truly coming into my own. Hurts of the past are long in the healing stage. Questions that have haunted me for almost 30 years are sowing their answers firmly in my heart. Dreams that have been locked in my soul far too long are starting to take form. I’m no longer sitting on the sidelines of my life. I’ve been sprinting straight toward a renewed sense of self worth, confidence and tremendous accomplishments. The latter has opened my eyes to unhealthy relationships and behaviors in my life, specifically as it relates to men.

After my divorce, almost 10 years ago, I found myself catapulted to into the rabbit hole of the dating world. The last time I had dated was in 1989. The rules of the game had dramatically changed, as had I. In an effort to be accepted and loved, and probably in a subconscious way of hiding the pain of my divorce, I fell into a pattern of accepting highly unacceptable behavior from the men I became involved with. I found myself tolerating actions and indiscretions that were deeply inappropriate, yet I was enabling them by not putting my foot down. I dated or became friends with men who would essentially take advantage of my kindness, talents, vulnerability, time and heart.

My eyes have been forced wide open of late. I started taking stock of the many male relationships I have/had and came to the sobering reality that I needed to do some housekeeping. I’ve been in the process of hitting the delete button on men who:

• Worship at their own alter. Let’s face it; no one is as amazing as he is!
• Flaunt their wealth.  Sorry, baby, but you're rich in the things that don't matter to me.
• Are on the advisory board of the local narcissists chapter. 
• Ask for a date but have been in a long standing “complicated” relationship with someone else.
• Call solely for the purpose of a potential booty call. Immensely degrading and not going to happen!
• Do nothing but talk and lament about their ex.
• Think it's perfectly acceptable not to call for several days and then expect me to jump when they do.  Um... NO? 
• Pay more attention to their cell phone and emails when we’re together.
• Use my talents and energy for their own personal gain.
• Think it’s alright to cheat on their significant other and want me to comply. As if!
• Send dirty pics of themselves and expect me to be impressed.  GROSS!!!  If you want to impress me, show me a picture of your last 401K statement. 
• Don’t make me feel like the talented, loving, beautiful, accomplished woman that I am.
• Forget that I have a heart beating inside of me and that it hurts when you wound me; and, like any heart, it needs to feel loved and nurtured, not used!

It’s been deeply empowering to come to a place in my life where I can say no to several of the unhealthy relationships I’ve been holding on to. By saying no, I’m drawing a line in the sand that says I’m no longer going to enable you to treat me like this. You no longer have access to my talents and gifts. You no longer have the luxury and right to my kindness and compassion. You no longer have access to my mind, body or soul. If you want me, you need to earn me and I have to want you to earn me. It’s been a bold step to take and one met with resistance. In the end I’m finding healthier and happier relationships making their way into my life. Most importantly, my confidence and self worth have been restored. In essence, by hitting the delete button on my junk male, I’ve hit the enter button on a world of renewed possibilities as well as some new male!

You Know You're a Working Mom When...

• Before hitting the office, you have already filled the role of chef, chauffeur, wardrobe consultant, tiny terrorist negotiator and detective (finding backpacks, shoes, homework, sports equipment for after school practice, shoes... again, even though they put them on their feet and investigating the odd smell under your kids bed). 
• You stroke the side of your coffee mug and, like Gollum from Lord of the Rings, refer to is as "My Precious".
• Your breakfast consists of a handful of Goldfish crackers and a fruit roll-up.
• You sit through meetings with the theme songs from Sesame Street and Dora the Explorer looping in your head.
• One of your co-workers kindly removes dried oatmeal from your hair; from the day before.
• You frantically look at every call that comes in on your cell to see if it’s your kids calling; and pray to God it’s not the principal phoning… again.
• You jump at any chance to lunch with co-workers simply to have one meal out where you don't get crayons and a coloring book with your menu.
• You play referee on the phone while your kids are fighting over who gets the last Capri Sun.
• You plan out dinner and your grocery list during conference calls.
• You laugh at how silly you were to think you had time to pick up groceries or even make dinner.
• You wonder if feeding your kids Pop Tarts and root beer for dinner will warrant a visit from DCF or guarantee you a place in the Bad Mom Hall of Fame.
• You sometimes see the pictures of your kids on your desk and your heart smiles.
• You sometimes see the pictures of your kids on your desk and your heart hurts.
• You try to figure out how you and your kids can cleverly wear the same outfit tomorrow so you don’t have to do laundry when you get home.
• You refer to the ladies room as “The Potty”.
• You relish the uninterrupted time in the ladies room and call it “Me Time”.
• You sometimes cry on your way to and from work.
• Even though you know that once you get home the insanity will ensue, you still can’t wait to get there.
• You close a deal from the bleachers of your child’s soccer game.
• During homework you draw up a business plan to outlaw algebra.
• You know all of the Dr. Suess books by heart.
• You make 50 cupcakes at 9 p.m. because that’s when your child reminded you that they’re due tomorrow.
• You get water three times, scare away the monsters, and answer odd last minute questions like "Do worms yawn", before your little cherubs finally fall asleep.
• You hit your bed exhausted beyond words and feel you've either nailed the day or failed the day!
• You whisper prayers of love and protection over your kids as they sleep, count your blessings and know you’d do it all over again if you had the choice!

The Symphony

Yesterday, I had the privilege of attending my ex-husband’s first symphony, promptly titled Symphony No. 1. I also had the privilege of watching our son fulfill a vital role in the day’s events. My son is an avid filmmaker. He eats, sleeps and drinks all things cinematic. Name pretty much any film and he can tell you who directed it, who the cinematographer was, why they chose certain shots, lighting or scenery; as well as who the actors were, and what awards the film won. I’ve watched my son progress from filming amateur movies in our backyard to developing his craft to a level where his works are now being accepted at film festivals across the country. I’ve often said that Stephen didn’t choose filmmaking but rather, filmmaking chose him. Stephen will humbly tell you that he simply loves the art of telling stories to the world.

As I sat in the Ambassador Auditorium in Pasadena, CA I was filled with a myriad of emotions. Stephen’s father, Peter, asked him to film the performance. Peter poured over a year of his life into writing this symphony. He was also given the privilege of being asked to conduct it. Anyone in the musical world will know that for a resident conductor to surrender their podium and orchestra to a guest conductor is quite an honor. Peter knew all too well how momentous this occasion would be and wanted to capture every moment of it. For that, he not only turned to his son to do so, but had tremendous faith in his talents that he would deliver and not disappoint.

Stephen, on the other hand, knew all too well how painstakingly hard his father worked on each and every note. He watched his dad labor through bone crushing exhaustion, personal crisis, fevers and other illnesses, as well as having to meet his many day to day obligations. Yet, he persevered, keeping his eye on the finish line and delivered a masterpiece! In doing so, Peter provided to his son an unquestionable example of fortitude and resolve. For that, Stephen wanted nothing more than to make his father proud by ensuring a quality video product.

Stephen spent hours in his dad’s rehearsals taking notes on where and how to shoot the performance, all the while, being inconspicuous to the orchestra and audience. This was no small feat. He was holed up in a small alcove on the side of the auditorium, about 20 feet above the orchestra. He was dressed all in black, or as he would say, like a Ninja, and took his proper place at the camera. When Peter stepped out to center stage and onto the conductor’s podium, his son was standing close by ready to capture every moment. It was then that I was struck with such pride in watching father and son collectively bring their talents to the forefront.

The father, son dance is a delicate one. A good father strives to impart love, acceptance, principles, values and an honorable legacy to their offspring. The son on the other hand looks to make his father proud and wants nothing more than to know he will be there for him, no matter what. In a world where so many father, son relationships are fractured, broken or non-existent, I’ve come to count my blessings for the relationship my son has with his father. Despite his dad and I having been divorced for almost ten years, we are one of the fortunate in that we’ve maintained a harmonious relationship. This has been primarily due to having shared custody of our son and, because we wanted to maintain a pleasant equilibrium for all three of us to exist in. We’ve not been perfect and we’ve certainly had our moments, but we always know how to bring it back into focus. It takes a lot of maturity and letting go of silly issues to achieve this, but the rewards are so worth the efforts.

By the time Stephen was five, he had memorized every note of his father’s music. So much so that if he heard even a whiff of a melody that sounded like something his father wrote in another composers piece, he would immediately inform his dad that he needed to get his attorney because that composer had “copyright infringed” his works. Clearly they hadn’t done so, but it was sweet that he had his father’s back nonetheless. Stephen would sit through concert after concert hearing his dad’s compositions played by some of the best orchestras around. He would watch his father stand before crowds of thousands to take his well earned bow. Everything came full circle yesterday as I watched Peter now take pride in Stephen’s filming talents and as he entrusted him with this monumental occasion.

As I sat there yesterday, hearing each note beautiful come to life and my son capturing every frame of the experience I was not only filled with pride but also fulfillment. Watching my son and his dad collaborate their mutual talents, culminating in a perfect performance by both is more than any mother could hope for. Peter was highly thankful and dutiful in acknowledging his son’s filming efforts and Stephen was bursting with pride at his father’s symphonic premiere.

The word symphony is derived from the Greek word (symphonia), meaning "agreement or concord of sound", "concert of vocal or instrumental music", "harmonious”. How ironic to see Peter’s first symphonic work as the genesis to both working together. I’m sure this is the first of many father and son partnerships. I look forward to future endeavors whether it’s in the concert hall or collaborating together on a film. Either way, the bond, friendship and mutual collegial respect shared by both is heartwarming. To that I give a heartfelt standing ovation. Bravo to you both for a job well done!

Power Down to Power Up

I attend what I consider to be one of the most inspiring, amazing, and diverse churches on the planet. We have over 12,000 members who truly love being in church each Sunday. Yet despite how large a congregation we have, you still experience an authentic sense of community. This is largely due to the genuine warmth you feel from the moment you walk in. Either through the greeters, the many volunteers who support the children’s and outreach programs or, those you are seated next to during service. I’m always energized and pumped up when I’m at church and amongst my fellow brethren.

One of the things I’ve come to admire and look forward to while in church is the “unfettered reverence” one should embody while in the house of God. For one or two hours on a Sunday morning, we come to worship in song and praise, are fed and taught the Word of God, and drink in the His presence and absolute awe. There’s a song I love that says “When I walked through the doors, I sensed His presence and I knew this was the place where love abounds. This is a temple and Jehovah God abides here. We are standing in His presence on holy ground.” How powerful these words are and how amazing to have the privilege to come weekly to God’s house and “be in His presence”!

Unfortunately, of late, I’ve found that mobile technology has infiltrated our church services and is encroaching on the time where we should be completely disconnected from the world so we can completely connect with God. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of mobile technology; however, I do believe there’s a time and place for these fascinating, yet, ubiquitous devices. I do not believe the sanctuary of God is one of them. I’m finding myself increasingly distracted by cell phones ringing, people texting and emailing, and iPads being substituted for bringing your bible to church. Perhaps the latter is a personal preference and waxes me as old school, and I could accept using your iPad for biblical references, however, not when you’re holding them up distracting those around you, and checking your email and texting on them. We’re not allowed to have our mobile devices on in movie theatres or at stage performances, yet we bring them to church? We’ll respect the viewing experience of those watching Johnny Depp in his latest flick but we fall short of offering the same deference to those who come to worship the almighty God?

I purposely leave my cell phone in the car. I relish having occasion where I’m not fielding calls, texts and emails, and can completely focus on being in God’s house. The ring tone I have for my mother is the theme for the Price is Right (she's a major coupon queen) and that’s the last thing I’d want to have going off in church should she call. Of course, it might be apropo during offering time.

With technology taking it’s highly, un-rightful place in our worship services, we fail to bring the rightful respect to the one, holy God, who is beyond deserving of our reverence and adoration. We need to stop and rethink why we get up, don our Sunday causal best, and head to our houses of worship. Yes, fellowship is part of the equation; however, our main focus is to honor and worship God. We need to remember whose house we’re in and respect the rules of the house. I love the verse in Lev. 19:30 "Observe my Sabbaths and have reverence for my sanctuary. I am the LORD". It’s hard to abide by this command when someone’s Bugs Bunny themed ring tone is going off or they’re taking a call. Yes, I’ve sat near folks who actually take a call in church. Last Sunday during the alter call; the cell phone of the gentleman sitting next went off. The man was clearly embarrassed, but it was a distraction that need not have happened. We are given 168 hours in a one week period. We can certainly give 1 hour to be technology free and focus on the teaching of God’s word and give Him his rightful reverence and honor.

I’d like to challenge my follow church goers to make a conscious effort of remembering who and why we come to worship. To have not only respect for God and His presence, but for those around you who have come to worship. I remember countless times when I was hurting beyond words and being in the very house of God, praising Him, was what got me through to another day. Our focus needs to be put wholly on Him and not our emails, texts and to do lists. Church is not a mobile technology hot spot, but rather “the spot” where we come humbly before Him with an aspect of admiration and feel His almighty presence. We need to remind ourselves that we are truly standing in His presence on holy ground.

Let’s all hit the off the button this coming Sunday and saturate ourselves in the meaning and application of showing reverence for God. I guarantee that by powering down, HE will power you up.

Spreading Your Wings

This coming Friday, my son, Stephen, will graduate from the ranks of junior high and officially become a freshman. Just hearing those words brings pride at having reached a new milestone, and a twinge of heartache knowing, that once again, my young man is growing up. Too quickly, albeit, but growing up nonetheless.

About two weeks ago, Stephen informed me that he had been selected by the academic staff of his current school for a special honor. Each year the collective body of teachers at High Point Academy selects one student of the graduating class who exemplifies leadership, a positive attitude, strong academic achievements, and overall good moral character. For the High Point Academy’s graduating class of 2010, my son was the student selected who best exudes the above criteria. Both Stephen and I were pleasantly (and I emotionally) surprised by the honor. Having gone through an incredibly difficult year this past year, with having lost my job and coming within hours of almost losing our home and subsisting on very little, this was a most welcomed proclamation of good news.

Throughout the extenuating circumstances of last year our mantra was “Positive outlook equals positive outcome”. I’ll admit there were days when it was hard to utter or live those words, but overall, it was a driving force for us. I would never have known that one end result would be Stephen being recognized for his attitude of gratitude and overall optimism.

As a result of having this honor, Stephen was asked to write a 4-5 minute speech. He thought long and hard about what message he wanted to convey and how he could have one final positive impact on his classmates. He started writing his speech on a paper placement at our favorite Mexican restaurant. From there, the speech continued to evolve. Last night he put the final touches on his speech and I was blown away by what he wrote. I applaud you, Stephen!

Here it is.

First and foremost, I am honored and humbled to have the opportunity to address you today. As most of you know, I came to High Point Academy in 2008, entering the 7th grade. I had previously attended The Walden School, which offers a more alternative learning program. I was attracted to High Point because of its solid reputation and structured, disciplined, academic environment. I was also impressed by the genuine welcome of the existing student body. When you’re the new kid on the block it can be quite overwhelming. I had concerns about moving into a vastly different learning environment, but the students and teachers at High Point quickly put me at ease, made me feel welcomed, and instilled in me the belief that I could, indeed, be successful here. Within my first few weeks at High Point I realized that I was in a place that was far better than I had expected. I was being challenged academically, trained in new fundamental principles about life, forging new friendships, and being allowed to flourish creatively. Every morning at drop off, my mom would say “Stephen, make good choices today”. In looking back over these past two years, I can honestly say that I’m thankful that my parents were successful in making the good choice for me to attend High Point Academy.

Although I’ve only been at High Point for two years, my time here has been filled with great memories. A few of those highlights are

- The School Dances
- Premiering my films Twisted and The Giver.
- Going on the end of year camping trip to Leo Carrillo. We all really bonded on that trip.

As you all know, our school mascot is the eagle. The eagle is the American symbol of nobility, strength, freedom and pride. The eagle is immensely powerful, yet majestic to watch in flight. Before an eagle can even learn to take flight, it must go to the very edge of the safety and comforts of its nest and make the choice to jump. It’s said that one must fall before one can fly. This is no different for the most regal and honored of birds. Almost always, the baby eagle will fall to the ground. Once on the ground, it builds up its strength, masters its flying skills, and with unwavering discipline, determination and practice, the baby eagle becomes strong and confident enough to take flight and spread its wings in full extension into the boundless sky above.

As the High Point class of 2010 stands here on the precipice of the nest’s edge and heads off to our respective high schools and the adventures that await us, I’ll agree it can look intimidating. Yet, until each of us takes that daunting leap off the edge, we’ll never know the bliss of being able to soar to our full potential. Granted, we’ll tumble and fall, but in due time, we’ll build up our strengths, come into our own awareness of who we are, develop specialized skills, grow, master our potential, and eventually, like the eagle, spread our wings in full expansion into the boundless sky of life’s limitless possibilities.

To the class of 2010, today is the day to spread our wings. To the teachers of High Point Academy, thank you for being the strength and support in helping us take flight. To the parents of the High Point Academy graduating class, thank you for being the never-ending wind beneath our wings. You all have our eternal round of applause.

And now my friends, it is time for us to spread our wings, and fly into the limitless sky before us.

Getting Your Purple Heart

The Military Order of the Purple Heart was chartered by President, George Washington in 1782. Although protocol around recipients and variations of the medal have changed throughout the years; its purpose has always been to honor military men, and women, for wounds suffered in combat. The actual order includes the phrase "Let it be known that he who wears the military order of the Purple Heart has given of his blood in the defense of his homeland and shall forever be revered by his fellow countrymen."

There’s an irrefutable sense of respect we afford military personal who don a Purple Heart. Its very presence on a soldier’s uniform signals the bravery and sacrifice they’ve selflessly made. We bestow the utmost of reverence to veterans who exhibit their purple hearts, as they regale in the details that lead them to this declaration of personal sacrifice.

Several times throughout these past two years, I have unwillingly been recruited into personal battle. Although my battles weren’t government sponsored battles, but rather inspired by the reckless events of government, I’ve nonetheless found myself on the front line of combat. And, I know I’m not alone. I see my fellow soldiers in the unemployment line, food stamp offices, pleading with their banking institutions, in newspaper headlines, on television, writing blogs about their plight, and in extreme cases, homeless.

Each day, I’ve had to arise early and don my battle gear. Be it a new strategy to finding work, putting on the breastplate of determination to make it through the day, or simply yielding my sword of resilience. The enemy camp is always in full force and at the ready. They have launched their attacks through job loss, financial despair, bullying tactics via bill collectors, charlatan organizations claiming to help, foreclosures, bankruptcies, and all out intimidation and devastation. Unlike any battle, there have been casualties in this war and the wounds suffered have been depression, anxiety, personal loss, and bone crushing exhaustion from the never ceasing battle. Yet, like any good solider, when hit with enemy fire, I’ve had to find the strength within to get back on my feet and continue to charge against my opponent. I’ll admit there have been times throughout this battle when I’ve had to come inside for a time of retreat. Any first-rate solider needs time to recharge and renew themselves. The important thing is to get right back out on the front line and keep fighting with the utmost of fortitude. I don’t mind having holes in my armor as I return to the battle field. I’ve learned that without the holes, the light can’t shine through. Every time I step back into combat I feel stronger and more prepared. My weapons are my faith, determination, network of family and friends, and a well devised strategy. Despite wanting to just drop my sword and surrender, I know that I’m not just fighting this battle for me. My son, my family and my friends are all counting on me. There are no white flags in my survival kit.

When all is said and done, and the losses totaled; I guarantee that my soul, dignity, integrity, or lack of determination will not be part of the final sum.

I have and may continue to emerge with battle wounds. These are scars I’m beyond proud to display. They proclaim to the world that despite taking a hit, I remained constant, took a stand and fought valiantly for what I believed in. That despite how intense the heat of battle became, I never quit. That victory was my only option. In the end, I will receive a purple heart for the wounds incurred. It will be in the form of my business growing, celebrating another year in my home, building my savings account, imparting invaluable life lessons to my son, and waking up each new day celebrating much deserved peacetime.

"Let it be known that she who wears the Purple Heart of life has given of her all in defense of her home and what’s rightfully hers, and shall forever be respected by her peers and fellow soldiers."

Copyright 2010

Being a Soldier's Angel

Earlier this year, my son and I took part in a wonderful organization called Soldier’s Angels. We personally, don’t have a loved one in the armed services, but our hearts goes out to those who do and we wanted to do something to show our support. Soldiers Angels is an organization that pairs you with a soldier who is currently fighting in either Iraq or Afghanistan. The purpose of Soldiers Angels is to provide as much support and contact with our troops from the home front. Each month we write and send care packages to our soldier in an effort to bring a smile, encouragement, and some of the comforts of home to him. We always put a kiss on our care packages as a symbol of our gratitude and hope for God’s protection over our soldier. It can be months before you hear from your soldier because of the conditions they’re fighting under, being housed in a secret location, having worked 16 hours days for weeks on end, or, because they needed to communicate with family first. Either way, we understand and aren’t doing this for our own personal motives, but to support them.

On Veterans Day, as we stop to remember those who’ve selflessly and valiantly given their lives for our freedom, as well as those who are currently fighting, please whisper, or shout if you want to, the words Thank You! Despite the distance and amidst the chaos of war, in some small way, I’m sure our soldiers will hear you.

In closing, I’d like to express my heartfelt thanks to all the men and women who have served, and are serving, our country! Your sacrifice, bravery and dedication are what allow us the freedoms we have today. You are true heroes and have this country's eternal round of applause! Let's also not forget the families of those who've lost loved ones in battle or have loved ones currently serving and the sacrifices they make/have made in the name of freedom.

If you’d like to get involved in or make a donation to Soldiers Angeles, you can do so at http://www.soldiersangels.org/.

I Didn't Know My Own Strength!

I've recently gone through a series of very difficult circumstances, both personally and professionally. Serious life altering changes that on the onset rocked my world considerably! As with most adversities I’ve faced in life, I took a long, hard look at each situation, searched for answers, and a way to grow as a professional and as a human being. I’ll admit there have been moments when I would have preferred to stay curled up in bed in the fetal position crying my eyes out and feeling sorry for myself. In the long run that only yields a bad sinus headache and an even deeper sense of despair. I consider myself more of a Phoenix; always rising above the ashes (or at least out of bed) after some form of destruction has hit my life. These past few months have been no different.

This morning I downloaded Whitney Houston’s new single “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength”. The words spoke so deeply to my heart. The triumph and empowerment she sings of are things I can profoundly relate to. We all get beaten down and battered by the trials and tribulations of life; especially in these tough global and economic times. What keeps us on the path to victory is when we make that instinctive choice to persevere and pick up our proverbial swords and keep fighting. In doing so, we see unfold before us a strength so immensely powerful. A strength we didn't know was residing in us all the while. A strength that will sustain us through to the end allowing us to claim insurmountable triumph and victory.

Thank you Whitney for this song of incredible strength and for the demons you clearly had to overcome in order to sing these words with the amazing conviction and fortitude you did! Way to go!!

Achieving Your Optimal Potential

Watch this AMAZING video on motivations and reaching your optimal best.

The Week Before Christmas

Each year I write a poem for my recruitment team. Those of you in the staffing industry can appreciate the intensity this time of year brings as we near year end and our clients are dizzy with holiday joy and cheer. Last year I wrote a poem called "Working in Recruiting Wonderland". This year I decided to do a twist on "The Night Before Christmas". The names have been changed to protect... well... all of us.

The Week Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house,
Recruitment was working like a busy little mouse.

Resumes were submitted to the client with care,
In hopes that offers soon would be there.

The Partners were frantic and had much to dread,
While visions of low profits danced in their heads.

With free cokes in the kitchen (but really wanting beer on tap),
The recruiters were exhausted and each needed a nap

When out in reception there arose such a clatter,
Recruiting sprang from their seats to see what was the matter.

They ran to the front quicker than a flash,
Fearing it was a candidate demanding more cash.

When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But candidates pouring in from both far and near.

More rapid than eagles the resumes came,
As they applied from firms with a reputable name.

On E&Y, BDO, Deloitte and KPMG,
On Grant Thornton, Moss Adams and PwC.

They had all quit their jobs and heeded the call,
To work for McGladrey, each, one and all.

Jackie spoke not a work but went straight to her work,
Handing out applications and going over the perks.

Then Bill laid a finger aside of his nose,
Working on ways to get each candidate to close.

While Alan did interviews and then heard a grumble in his belly,
It was now 11:30 and he was off to the deli.

Jennifer was excited to know cold calls would stop,
As candidates were accepting and the pipeline did pop.

Managers, Supervisors, and Seniors had been hired,
It was exactly the outcome that the client had desired.

Jim was pleased with how the recruiters stepped up to the task,
Despite thinking they spend their days just drinking from a flask.

But they heard him exclaim as in his Porsche, he drove out of site,
Merry Christmas to all and keep sourcing tonight!

Happy Holidays!!!!!

Heartbeats

Today, my good friend Brian shared a touching and tender story with me that moved my soul in such a way, that I just had to pass it on. I have to preface this anecdote by saying that Brian is a single dad of an adorable two year-old baby girl, Alana. Over the past two years, I’ve watched Brian evolve into a wonderful father and wholly embrace his initiation into fatherhood. He often tells me how Alana is the love and light of his life. With Brian you know he’s speaking directly from his heart when addressing any topic regarding his daughter.

One of the activities he shares with his daughter is a weekly Kindermusik class. Kindermusik is a wonderful program designed to teach infants and toddlers preliminary musical skills all the while promoting parental bonding and interaction. During Brian's and Alana’s recent Kindermusik class the teacher instructed both parent and child to draw physically close to each other to feel and share each others’ heartbeats. What a brilliant concept and powerfully moving time of bonding!

Fast forward two days later. Brian is dressing and primping Alana for the day. Any of you who’ve been adventurous enough to meticulous groom a two year-old know all too well that such an activity could have rattled even Gandhi; however, thankfully, such was not the case this morning. Clearly Brian had some good karma coming to him. As Brian was brushing Alana’s hair there was a tender spirit about her. Brian pulled her close and encouraged her to share their heartbeats; to which she readily obliged. In doing so, she heard both hers and her fathers’ heartbeats as one. Being caught up in the moment she gave a gentle smile and cooed. It was such a moving moment for both that Brian had Alana do it again. No words, just bonding through the unified beating of their hearts. A heartbeat symbolizes life and love. Both of which were very present. If every child could have such deep, affectionate moments with their parents just think of the beautiful, peaceful generation of children we’d raise.

When Brian shared this story with me, I was touch by how incredibly blessed both he and Alana were to have had this priceless moment of bonding. I was also reminded that there is a heart beating inside every child and it needs to be heard and tended to. Too often as busy parents we get caught up in the demands of our day. We forget to take something as simple as grooming our children and making the moment special and building lasting memories. We let valued moments slip through our hands. All too soon our children will be off on their own and our homes will be agonizingly quiet. Instead of listening to the current deafening din around us, we need to make some quiet time with our children. Time so quiet we can hear the precious beating of their hearts and be reminded of the priceless gift they are to us. Then, when they’re grown up and eventually leave the nest, you can gently put your hand on your own heart, feel its tender beating and know they’re still close by.

The Merry Bells of Christmas

I know, I know. It's only September 4th and I'm already writing a blog about Christmas.

I'd be remiss if I didn't share with you the wonderful nostalgic experience I encountered this past weekend at the Pasadena Flea Market. As an experienced shopper, I know all too well the pre-shopping ritual that must take place. I was dubious to properly stretch, apply sunscreen, don my baseball cap and sunglasses, chant to the shopping gods for great bargains, and most importantly, grab my non-fat venti vanilla latte with whip. All by 7:30 a.m., mind you. That's right, 7:30 a.m. on a weekend. Bargain hunting requires exemplary skills and a strategy equal to that of a well executed military operation.

The temperature was a disgusting 99 degrees and climbing. It was an optimal environment for hatching baby chicks, not antique shopping. Being the ardent bargain hunter that I am, I was not going to let the sweltering heat deter me. I browsed through countless items with childlike glee. Silverware, paintings, furniture, toys, collectibles, apparel, and every conceivable chachkey you could imagine.

Before I go further, I need to interject here with a story from my youth. Hang with me. It will all make sense in a few minutes.

Every year, on the Friday after Thanksgiving my mother would don this lovely Christmas bell pin. She’d wear it on her wool coat and sweaters. Hearing the first sweet sounds of the tinkling bell would signify the start of the Christmas season. I can remember hearing my mother walking down the church aisle at Christmas all the while hearing her jingle until she properly took her seat. As the years passed, I would search jewelry store after jewelry store in an effort to procure the same pin my mother had. I liked the symbolism it held for me and wanted to one day impart the same to my child(ren). For almost 30 years I diligently searched, but to no avail.

Now here’s where we get back to my original story. See, I told you it would all make sense.

I happened upon a table with a display of antique jewelry. I normally don’t browse the jewelry tables because I know the one thing that catches my eye will undoubtedly be from some Royal family and have a price tag far beyond what my humble purse can afford. Thankfully, today was different. As I quickly surveyed the beautiful baubles, one piece of jewelry in particular caught my eye. It was an exact replica of the Christmas bell pin my mother wore. I gasped with excitement and the largest of smiles crossed my face. I quickly snatched up the pin and inquired as to its cost. The vendor replied “Uh, that one. It’s $7.00.” To which I immediately replied “I’ll take it”.

I made several other modest purchases throughout the morning, but nothing held greater value to me than having found my long sought after Christmas pin. It’s not because of the material value of the pin but rather the sentimental value; which to me is priceless. Hearing the gentle ringing of the pin’s bells has flooded my heart and mind with wonderful memories of my childhood Christmas’s.

In Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life, the character of ZuZu Bailey is quoted as saying “When a bell rings an angel gets its wings”. For me, when I hear the sweet sounds of the bell ringing, I’m reminded of an angel of a mother who created this wonderful holiday memory and how on the wings of this tradition I can share the same with my child.

Oh, and for the record, there are only 109 shopping days until Christmas.

Avon Breast Cancer Walk

This coming September 15th & 16th I have committed myself to walk almost 40 miles, with thousands of other men and women to help find a cure for breast cancer. We will forge new friendships, get blisters on our feet, drink countless bottles of water, sleep in tents, and walk 26 miles one day and 13 miles the next; all the while raising money for breast cancer research. We have committed to the training and fundraising required to participate in this life changing event known as The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer . The net proceeds from this event (and others across America) will support non-profit breast health programs, as well as medical research to help find a cure for breast cancer.

I've been touched my so many stories from my friends and loved ones on how they were personally affected by breast cancer. Whether they themselves are a survivor, know someone battling breast cancer, or have lost a loved one to the disease. I've been humbled and challenged by your personal accounts and will walk in tribute to them.

My story is pretty simple, but at the time was quite a scare. I awoke one Saturday morning, over two years ago, and inadvertently found a lump in my right breast. By Monday morning I was in the doctors office. On Tuesday I had undergone a mammogram and breast sonogram. On Thursday I was in surgery having not one, but three lumps removed as well as several small masses. Two of the lumps removed hadn't shown on the mammogram. Within the span of one week my life had drastically stopped and I was confronted with the possibility of having breast cancer. The morning of my surgery there were several other women going in for breast related surgeries. When all was said and done, my lumps were benign, however, I've never forgotten the other women who went into surgery that same day and received the difficult diagnosis of breast cancer. From that day on, I promised myself that I would do my part to help those who despite optimism, prayers and the best of medical care, suffer from breast cancer. The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is a great way for me to show my gratitude for my positive outcome as well as help those who suffer from this terrible disease. I'm asking for your help as well.

This year, over 180,000 women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Over 40,000 will die.

That's why we're walking.

To do something big.

To be a part of something special, and something very, very important.
We hope that you'll be a partner with us in this effort.

Each walker must commit to raising at least $2,000. Maybe we're crazy--but if this is what it takes to find a cure, and help our many friends and family who are breast cancer survivors--we'll be there.

I'm asking for your support. Would you commit to making a fully tax-deductible donation toward my efforts to help us meet our goal? I'd like to personally thank each one of you for joining us in this fight. You can make your donation on-line at: www.avonwalk.org. – click on Make a Donation – then click on Donate to a Participate, select Los Angeles and then type in my name (LoriAnn Boyer - for those of you who've already forgotten who sent this email). You can make a single donation or spread your contribution over several months. Any support will be most graciously appreciated.

In the time it has taken you to read this, another woman is diagnosed with breast cancer in the United States.

Please help us change that statistic.

Thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart.

Love,
LoriAnn

First Crush

For the past several months my son has had a crush on a girl at school. It wasn’t until the last month that he finally opened up and shared his hearts intended with me. I had had my suspicions. He was showering more thoroughly and was actually using the soap and shampoo. A huge feat when you’re parenting a pre-teen. He readied himself for school one half hour earlier than usual, paying careful attention to wardrobe and hair. Dressing out of the hamper and walking out the door with bed head is apparently SO yesterday. He requested a lesson on how to apply deodorant and inquired as to whether he should start wearing cologne. Furthermore, he would walk around on weekends forlorn and anxious for Monday morning to arrive. With the exception of Pastor’s and Priests, I don’t know anyone who looks forward to Monday’s.

While driving home from Baskin Robins (please don’t tell my Weight Watcher’s instructor), my son asked me what it felt like to be in love. WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE IN LOVE? Why… it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. It’s euphoric, beautiful, silly, tender, invigorating, heart thumping. It’s sky rockets in the night. In love is the most amazing place to be.

My son asked me what my first crush was like. I love when I can give my son a peek into my past. A connection to who I was as a child. He’s always comforted to know that I’ve been where he is and that it’s all part of the growing up process.

My first crush came in 5th grade. I fell madly, deeply, and unabashedly in love with my teacher, Mr. Pontes. He was gorgeous, by a ten year-olds standards. I was giddy with excitement at the start of each school day and hated when the day came to a close. That meant a long bus ride home and a night of counting the hours until I could be reunited with my beloved.

In an effort to impress Mr. Pontes, I worked diligently on all of my assignments. After all, I had to show him I was his intellectual equal. I had read that men like women with long, silky hair so I kept my hair long and combed perfectly. I could have been in a coma or traction and, yet, wouldn’t miss a day of school. I watched Mr. Pontes with adoration as he would glide through the classroom dispensing his knowledge upon us. I found him to be so dreamy. I loved the feelings I was experiencing; joy, exhilaration, butterflies, and intense fondness. I was convinced that Mr. Pontes felt the same way but that he chose to maintain a modicum of professionalism in the classroom, all the while pining for me when we weren’t together. I was frustrated beyond words when he called in sick one day and I had to endure a substitute for the day. How dare he not consider my feelings.

I didn’t care that there was a 20 year age difference, or that he was married with two kids. I was convince that Mr. Pontes was just as enraptured with me as I him and would patiently wait for me to turn 18. At which point he would divorce his wife, profess his love to me, we’d get married, have seven children and live happily every after. Of course, I had no idea that I was positioning myself to be a home wrecker. Great; a home wrecker at 10 years-old. Clearly my morals and goals needed some maturation in ethical standards.

One Friday afternoon Mr. Pontes called me out into the hall to speak with him. I was certain that this was the moment I’d been waiting for; the moment when he would reveal his love for me. To make it even more romantic, I had also envisioned that he would also inform me that I was his most favorite student… EVER! With heart pounding anticipation and a sweet dizziness, I walked out to the hall with him. He asked me to take a seat and then crouched down to my level. Oh my heavens I thought, he’s going to propose right here and now. This was beyond phenomenal. “Lori”… Mr. Pontes began. “Yes”, I said; ready to leap off my chair, throw my arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. (Well, as passionately as a 10 year-old knows how to kiss.) Mr. Pontes continued. “Ms. Almeda informed me that you were somewhat unruly in the lunch room today and despite repeated warnings you chose not to modify your behavior. Is this true?” My heart sank. Not only was Mr. Pontes not going to propose to me, but I was being chastised for acting up during lunch. How utterly embarrassing! I so regretted my actions and wished for the floor to open up and swallow me whole. This couldn’t be happening. Mr. Pontes was the love of my life and I was standing before him a convicted lunch room anarchist. I was mortified beyond words. I burst into tears and fest up to my actions. I apologized incessantly. For my punishment I had to write all 50 state and capitals 3 times. For days I had knots in my stomach and behaved sheepishly around him. I realized by day two that I was now experiencing heartbreak. Sadly, something I’d experience several more times in my life.

I finished my year still in admiration of Mr. Pontes, but not in love. I was much more mature now. Mr. Pontes was SO yesterday. Besides, now I was in crazily in love with Erik Estrada. At least he wasn’t married with a family.

I now have the pleasure of watching my son go through his first crush. It’s reignited some very special memories. Despite my heartbreak, it was a special time and one that had a profound impact on my life. More importantly, I love that my son is open to sharing with me what he’s feeling and looking to me for advice. I’m sure I’ll walk this road with him countless times in his life. It’s a walk and road I’m thankful to share with him.