Two months prior, I embarked on a unique journey—a weekend
of self-reflection, gratitude, journaling, prayer, and meditation. I decided to
disconnect from the bustling world and sought solace in a splendid log cabin
hidden deep within the enchanting woods of Lake Lure, NC, with the assistance
of a helpful co-worker. My goal was to immerse myself in nature entirely and be
off the grid. However, I never anticipated just how remote this place would be,
and it felt like stepping into the mysterious realm of the "Upside
Down" from the TV show Stranger Things.
Navigating the winding road to reach the cabin was an adventure in itself. The dense forest on either side heightened the feeling of seclusion, but it also made me cautious. Any sudden misstep could lead to a dangerous descent down rocky cliffs and through thick trees. In those moments, I couldn't help but entertain morbid thoughts—imagining how long it would take for someone to find me or if I would become a meal for hibernating black bears and other woodland creatures. I even regretted not Googling whether bears had a taste for human flesh.
Despite these unsettling musings, I was thankful for packing an abundance of granola bars, which now seemed like a wise decision. They could serve as sustenance if I were to survive a treacherous fall and needed to rely on the provisions I had brought. And amidst it all, I couldn't help but ponder what I would wear during the inevitable circuit of morning talk show interviews, recounting the harrowing story of my survival. Such thoughts might seem bizarre, but at high altitudes and in intense situations, the mind tends to wander to unexpected places.
Ultimately, this experience pushed me to embrace the thrill
of nature and the solitude it offered. It provided an opportunity for genuine
introspection and a deeper connection with the natural world. While the
seclusion was unnerving at times, it allowed me to truly appreciate the beauty
and tranquility of the wilderness.
When I arrived at the cabin, the
outside light was the only illumination I had seen in miles. It was the beacon
that signaled my safe arrival and home for the next two days. I was accompanied by my trusty, canine side kick, Jackson, and, let’s just say, appropriate “arms” to keep me safe. Thankfully, neither had to be discharged during our stay.
I awoke early the next morning,
bundled myself in blankets, cradled a hot cup of coffee and sat on the porch to watch the sunrise come up
over the mountain. There’s something beautifully stirring about watching God’s
majesty unfold before your eyes. Amber and golden hues of sunlight cascaded through
the trees coupled by a beautiful aria performed by the many species of birds
heralding the days dawn. I could not have asked for a more perfect backdrop.
I spent the next several hours in
prayer, meditation and journaling. I committed my heart and mind to be open
to whatever this weekend would bring. I had come through a very difficult year
off illness, depression, feeling lost, painful isolation, and having been deeply wounded by people
I cared about. The last few months of the year brought a clean bill of health,
direction, purpose, peace of mind, and healing in my heart. It's not been
lost on me how blessed I am to go from a such a depth of low to living in my absolute joy. My faith and resolve were tested several times, but steadfast I stood, even
in my darkest of moments. I truly believe the joy I am now experiencing is a
result of my perseverance and faithfulness. My spiritual walk has never been
stronger or more meaningful. The irony is I had to not only be broken but come
humbly before God in my brokenness in order to become stronger and ultimately
experience the blessings I’m now living.
Another intention during my self-imposed
retreat, was to emancipate myself from negative conditions that served as stumbling
blocks or were void of value. Pain, shame, regret, missed opportunity, judgement, loss, hurt, anger, empty or toxic relationships, etc. To symbolize this liberation I gathered several flat stones
and, on each stone, wrote the name of something, or someone, I needed to free myself from. I was surprised by how many stones I wrote on as I reflected on the weight these issues had on my life. Once done, I took
each stone, placed them in a backpack, put the backpack on and set out on a hike.
My purpose in wearing the backpack was to the feel their collective weight. To feel the discomfort. To reconcile with how
they served no purpose but to do just that, weigh me down, hinder my journey
and slow any progress toward my destination.
I carefully sought to find the right
alter at which to leave the stones. After some time, I came upon this beautiful
red maple tree who, much like me, looked as if she’d weather a few storms yet, despite
them, stood tall, resilient and strong. I took each stone out of the backpack
and placed it with intentional surrender at the trees base. Once the last
stone had been placed in the pile this intense rush of emotion washed over me.
I was not prepared for how powerful this moment would be. I prayed, wept
and let each negative experience make their way out of my life. It was symbolic
of leaving the past behind, forgiving myself, and, where necessary, others, and moving forward renewed. From a faith
perspective, it was likened to leaving it all at the cross and completely letting it all go. I even left the
backpack. I have no desire to fill it again!
Later that evening, as I watched
the sunset dance across the horizon, I felt radically transformed. Enlightened! I had this intense vibrational high from being so deeply connected with nature
as well as with God. Giving myself the gift of being still and silent forced my
other senses to take center stage and opened my heart and mind to a higher level of conscientiousness, connection and awareness.
My spirit felt fully liberated, light, grounded,
connected, inspired, and joyful. I was grateful for the opportunity to reset my
soul and have a time of thanksgiving for all the year had brought me and taught
me. I spent the remainder of the weekend in an immersion of reflection, mindfulness, spiritual communion, gratitude, and setting goals for the new year.
As I drove away and watched the
image of the cabin that served as my sanctuary diminish in my rear view mirror, I savored one last glance, took a deep breath and then steadied my eyes forward. Forward to
the new path before me; a path free from the burdensome baggage of the prior
journey. A path that will take me to new experiences, new learnings, a deeper authenticity in my spiritual life, encounter greater joy and, most
importantly, where I can breathe without a heaviness in my heart and be completely... backpack free.
©2019 LoriAnn Boyer - All Rights Reserved
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