Surrendering to the Solitude

One of the most difficult things about relocating to the Carolina’s has been the day to day loneliness. I honestly had not anticipated how incredibly lonely I’d feel. I was accustomed to always having friends and family around who were ready for a get together at the drop of a hat. I went from growing up in a large family, getting married and starting a family, raising my son on my own; but with a village to support me, to now living alone.  I’m a people person and thrive on the energy of those I enjoy hanging out with. I have an amazing network of friends; however, they are mostly, all, thousands of miles away.  Migrating through my days in total isolation has been an adjustment I was not prepared for. There are countless articles that speak to the epidemic of loneliness and its grim collateral damage; and I feared I was becoming a statistic. There were times I felt I was on the brink of emotional collapse; however, I forced myself to lean into the learnings and embrace the loneliness. As with most circumstances that challenge me, I seek to understand the teachings in the discomfort and take heart in knowing there’s a greater purpose in the pain and process.

Here’s what I’ve learned in surrendering to the solitude.

• The quiet calms the internal chatter and allows me to have deeper clarity.
• My personal relationship with God and meditation practice has been dramatically and beautifully amplified.
• It has motivated me to be more creative and opened my eyes to untapped skills.
• It has taught me patience and then retaught me again!
• I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself.
• I’ve learned there’s freedom in doing what I want when I want… like eating ice cream in bed at midnight while binge watching “This Is Us”.  Bring it!
• I am more present and appreciate time with friends and loved ones more.
• I am much more in tune with my surroundings.
• I’ve discovered the power and value in the silence.
• I’ve learned that it’s a gift to sit quietly on my porch and listen to nature's symphony as the day begins to dawn!
• I’ve learned that it’s alright to make new friends and build new bonds.
• I’ve become really good friends with the Amazon delivery guy.
• I’ve learned to self-care more.
• Speaking of self-care, I’ve learned that three days is the max I should go without a shower. Especially if I’m expecting an Amazon package between day three and four.
• I’ve learned that my dog is a great listener.
• I’ve learned that I am fierce, and nothing holds me back.
• I’ve learned that even when I see friends and families together that many of them are still alone.
• I’ve learned that those whom I’ve helped in their times of difficulty or periods of solitude, won’t necessarily be there for me in mine.
• I’ve learned to take time to properly heal when hurt by those I never expected to be hurt by.
• That I’ll drive hundreds of miles for a hug and to be with a cherished friend or family members.
• That although I’ve come to accept my season of loneliness, I know that it has been good for just that, a season, and not intended long term.
• I know that I do not want to grow old alone.

Spending time alone can be healthy and has its benefits, yet we are not designed to be alone long term.  I remember when I was in bible college being struck by Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Of all the amazing things God created, the first thing He said that wasn’t good, was that we should not be alone. Connection and companionship is vital to our survival. I mean, so much so, that even God felt so strongly about it that he took measures to ensure we weren't alone.

I am grateful for my time of solitude, albeit as difficult as it has been from time to time. I am grateful for the lessons I’ve learned. They have refined me and re-purposed my soul, and, in an unexpectedly beautiful way, prepared my heart to be open, accepting and deeply appreciative when someone special will occupy my space again.