Leading with Compassion and Grace

Today marks another milestone in my journey as an HR Leader. Reflecting on my first day as a recruiting coordinator, at the mecca of consulting firms, Accenture, I can still remember the excitement I felt about starting a new job and ultimately, a new career path, despite having never spent a minute in recruiting. However, that career was nearly derailed just three months into my tenure.

I had been assigned my first major project, which I enthusiastically accepted with the eagerness and excitement of a monkey with a new banana. We were conducting a survey with a large, highly reputable university. This was back in the '90s, long before email was a staple of the office. We were conducting it the old-fashioned way—by mail. The task involved sending out a survey package to over 500 students, and it was my responsibility to ensure each package contained a letter, marketing collateral, the survey, and a return envelope. I also had to correctly upload and manage 500+ student names and addresses.

I took ownership of this project as if it were my only ticket to survival. I worked tirelessly to get everything in order and sent out, and when it was done, I allowed myself a moment of pride. I had successfully completed my first big professional girl project—or so I thought.

Three days later, my head of HR, Don Shaw, approached me in the hallway. “Hey, LoriAnn" he said with a look of curiosity in his eyes and cocking his head to the side. "Did you remember to include the return envelopes in the mailing?" he asked. My heart simultaneously raced and sank. My initial thought was, of course I had. Or... did I? I vaguely remembered seeing boxes of return envelopes in the storage closet at the beginning of the project, but in my rush to prove myself capable of handling this assignment, had I forgotten this crucial step?

Don waited for my response, and I immediately remembered a lesson my parents had instilled in me: always tell the truth, even when it’s difficult. As much as I wanted to confidently say, “Yes, I included the return envelopes. I mean, did you not see how I slayed this dragon of a project” I knew I needed to be honest. I told Don I wasn’t sure but that I would double-check.

Racing back to my office, my mind was spinning. The only way to know for sure was to check the supply closet. As I approached, I desperately hoped not to see boxes full of unused return envelopes. But when I opened the door, there they were, staring back at me, almost taunting me—a clear sign that I had indeed forgotten to include them.

I felt sick. I wanted to pack up my things, resign on the spot, and flee the scene. But instead, I sheepishly made my way to Don’s office, dreading the inevitable conversation. I knocked softly on his door, standing in the doorway, terrified. I confessed my mistake, telling him I had forgotten to include the return envelopes. In my embarrassment, I rambled, offering to fix the situation and even acknowledging that if this was grounds for dismissal, I would understand.

Don signaled me to come in and sit down. My heart sank further—surely, he was about to fire me and simply wanted to take the kill shot up close. As I sat in the large wingback chair, feeling quite diminished by its size and bracing for the worst, Don said, “I appreciate you telling me the truth. I already knew you forgot to include the return envelopes. We’ve received about 20 calls from students asking where they were.”

“I’m really sorry, Don,” I replied, feeling crushed.

“I know you are,” he said. “And yes, you will remedy this by sending out another mailing apologizing for the mistake and including the return envelopes this time.”

“Of course, whatever is needed, I’m happy to do,” I said, eager to fix the situation.

Then, Don surprised me. He said, “I know it would have been easier to tell me you included the return envelopes. But you didn’t. You came back and told me the truth, and for that, I learned something valuable about you: I can trust you to be honest. As for double-checking your work, well, that’s another story and something you’ll need to work on.”

To my relief, Don didn’t fire me that day. Had he done so, my career in HR might have ended before it even began. Instead, he offered me my first important lesson in compassion and grace. By extending compassion, Don gave me the space to grow. His decision to see beyond a single mistake and instead focus on my potential allowed me to find my footing and build a career that has spanned more than three decades.

When leaders act with grace, they communicate a belief in the worth and potential of their team members, which, in turn, inspires loyalty, creativity, and perseverance. By trusting me despite my misstep, Don instilled in me a deep understanding that people are not defined by their mistakes, but rather by how they learn and grow from them. This principle has informed my leadership style ever since.

So, thank you, Don, for not firing this eager but overzealous young professional during a significant misstep. Thank you for teaching me the value of leading with compassion and grace. Your grace in that pivotal moment not only spared my career but set the foundation for a path I never could have imagined. As such, I’ve had the privilege of building a career in HR that has brought immense fulfillment, allowing me to pay forward the same compassion and grace you showed me. It’s a lesson I carry with me in every decision, every mentorship, and every opportunity to guide others. Because of you, I strive to be the kind of leader who doesn’t just manage people but believes in them—and that has made all the difference.

 

Book of Encouragement

My mother recently gifted me several of her personal journals, and it feels like she handed me pieces of her very soul. Deeply woven into the tapestry of her life is a writer, a revelation that has illuminated the source of my own passion for writing. On the first page of one of her journals, in faintly read script, she simply and solely wrote, "Book of Encouragement." Upon reading this, my heart felt an overwhelming warmth. As I turned the pages, I found her steps to stay encouraged, each word resonating deeply within me like a gentle whisper of love and wisdom.

There’s something profoundly touching about reading the intimate thoughts, emotions, and daily musings of a loved one. Through her journals, I am discovering the hidden corners of her heart, the silent battles she fought, and how she truly saw the world and me. It feels like I’ve been given a precious gift, a glimpse into her past and the challenges she faced as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, employee, and member of society.

This experience is like meeting her all over again, realizing that she had the same fears, hurts, joys, and aspirations that I have. It’s a beautiful journey, unveiling the true essence of my mother and forging an even deeper connection with her. Each page I turn reveals more about the incredible woman she was and still is in my eyes.

As I read her personal manifesto for encouragement, it further heightened my admiration for her. This is what she wrote:

• Read uplifting material and avoid discouraging conversations or news.
• Associate with positive and inspiring people.
• Believe in yourself and remind yourself of how far you’ve come.
• Keep a journal of your accomplishments and read it as often as you need.
• Consider your setbacks as profitable learning experiences.
• Ask for help when you need it.

We all have mantras, quotes, scriptures, tools, bullet points, or accountability persons we use to keep ourselves encouraged and uplifted, affording us the ability to press on and seize the day. I love that these are my mother’s. She is a woman who has faced tremendous challenges, traumas, setbacks, and, at times, unfathomable pain. She is one of the strongest women I know, and I have often drawn strength and encouragement from her. Yet, if you were to meet her, you would find her to be upbeat, positive, and radiating immeasurable resilience. Her six bullet points for staying encouraged are not just words; they are a testament to her fortitude and a guide we can all follow.

Thank you, Mom, for graciously sharing the tools that helped you stay encouraged and inspired when everything felt like it was falling apart, and for providing a roadmap that I, and hopefully others, can use. Your wisdom and strength echo more profoundly and play an amplified role in guiding me through my life’s journey. I love you! 

Ageless Ambitions: Fearlessly Pursuing Knowledge

In January, I made the decision to return to school—an aspiration that has lingered for far too long in the corridors of my mind. Why the delay? One word: fear. The prospect of diving back into the demanding realm of academia at mid-life is undeniably intimidating. The sheer time commitment required for classes, coupled with the countless hours of study and research, is ample grounds for even the most driven student to succumb to bouts of anxiety and break out in hives. Then there's the nagging question of mental acuity. Will my brain's synaptic connections recall how to absorb and retain information as effortlessly as they once did in the distant days of my youth? And what if—dare I utter it—I fail?

But what if I don't fail? What if I view the collective hours invested in classes and studying as a valuable investment in myself? What if my brain's cognitive functions kick into high gear and I rediscover a passion for learning? Remarkably, that's precisely what has transpired. With each passing week, as my confidence has swelled, I've come to the realization that I CAN DO THIS!

I've often challenged others with the quote, "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." It was high time I heeded that very advice and charged boldly into the realm of uncertainty and challenge regardless of the age on my driver's license. Just last week, I took four tests. The subject matter is dense, and the tests themselves are unequivocally arduous. However, my scores—a resounding 100, 96, 100, and 92—served as a testament to the immense rewards that await once we muster the courage to confront our fears head-on no matter how old we are. We should never let fear, or age, hold us back from learning.

So, if you happen to come across a bleary-eyed redhead downing numerous venti espressos while muttering about HR Law to herself, extend a word of encouragement and reassure her that she's more than capable of conquering this endeavor—and remember, so are you once you take the leap to do so.

Breathe

February 4, 1998. I had been rushed to the hospital, my mind spinning at warp speed, my breathing rapid and chaotic, tears streaming down my face, and every cell in my body filled with fear and anxiety. I wanted to close my eyes and eternally surrender to the darkness that had plagued my mind.

In the ether of the turmoil, I faintly heard a voice calling out, "LoriAnn! I'm Dr. Ramos. Can you hear me? LoriAnn, can you hear me?" Slowly, I turned my head to the left, attempting to connect with the voice beckoning me. My eyes immediately met those of an attractive Latino man, dressed in a soft cashmere scarf and a dark gray sweater. It might have been the warmth exuded by his attire, coupled with the look of compassion on his face, but his mere presence brought an unexpected sense of calmness mingled with curiosity. Our eyes locked, and he gently smiled as he said, "I need you to do something."

 "Okay," I replied without hesitation, placing my immediate trust in whatever he was about to ask of me. "Breathe," he softly instructed. "Just breathe." Nodding through the tears and anxiety, and with my eyes still fixed on his, I took a deep breath in as he breathed with me. Then another breath, and another. Before long, an overwhelming sense of peace and tranquility washed over me.

"I'm Dr. Ramos," he kindly introduced himself again, still wearing a gentle smile. "Hi," I responded graciously. "Rough night?" he inquired. I nodded, crying, and said, "Rough life." “Well," he said, "we’re going to work on that together and get you feeling better. Sound good?” “Yes,” I said. “That sounds great." His words, paired with his genuine empathy, offered an instant balm for my soul, forging an immediate trust and lifelong bond. 

That night marked my initial steps toward recovery from severe anxiety and depression. Dr. Ramos and I would spend the next 18 months walking through my healing and reclaiming my mental and emotional fortitude. I’ve often said that if you x-ray my heart, you’ll see a small part where Dr. Ramos’ name is etched on it.

Sitting here 26 years later, mentally and emotionally healthy, reflecting on the terrified girl lying on that hospital stretcher, wishing to close her eyes and never open them again, I am humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude. I am immensely proud of how far she has come. Since then, I've learned that no matter how dark, scary, or painful the circumstances may be, never, ever give up. Amidst the pain and darkness, there will always be sparks of light guiding you to the other side. No matter how challenging the battle, fight, and fight hard, because you are worth it.

Dr. Ramos changed my life with a single word: 'Breathe.' It was a simple yet profoundly powerful reminder of how to calm my mind and soothe my soul. Our lives begin and end with a breath. I am grateful for the billions of breaths I've taken since that harrowing day. They haven't always been easy, but they were mine to have and meant to be had.

Here's to the frightened girl who, 26 years ago, bravely affirmed she was enough and worth the fight, and who discovered the transformative power in learning how to truly breathe. Every day and every breath since has been a precious gift.